It’s easy to look up at the people that are more “successful” than you and believe that they’ve got it all together, but do they really?
Not too long ago I thought so, but not anymore. As I’ve started climbing the ladder myself, I’ve realized that just because I make a living online and have a certain amount of subscribers, I’m still me.
When you’re on the other side of the fence, the grass will always look greener, because you never see the personal struggles people go through, and the fears they have to deal with.
So often we go around believing that the fears we face are unique to us, when in many cases we all go through the same whirlpools of fear and drudgery.
Lately, I’ve been feeling frustrated and scared, which is normal. These feelings come and go, just like a roller coaster goes up and down.
The interesting part of it all is that all of the bad stuff led to a breakthrough, which I’ll reveal in just a sec.
I Believe
I believe in integrity, honesty, and authenticity. There needs to be more of those. Somehow we believe that showing our weaknesses, we become weak, when in fact we become stronger and more relatable.
We aren’t indestructible robots who keep chugging along until success comes along. We have feelings. Sometimes things go well, sometimes they don’t. That’s just a part of life.
Because I’ve been doing more consulting in the last week, I’ve noticed the same stuff popping up in my clients over and over again.
The bottom line is this: If you’re feeling frustrated, confused, and scared, know that you’re not alone, and know that it’s completely normal.
I’m right there with you. I fall to the dark side from time to time. I want to make more money. I want to progress faster. I have no idea where I’m going, or if what I’m doing will lead to anything.
I tell myself that I’ll never make it, and I ask myself why everything has to be so hard.
Even though I’m a very aware person and I know what’s going on inside, I still get caught up in my thoughts from time to time.
What I want to get across here is that we all go through these periods, and just because you are where you are and I am where I am, it doesn’t make it any different.
I’m human and you’re human. The people who are already making a living doing what they love, they’re human too, and they have their ups and downs as well.
An Interesting Twist
The funny thing is that even though I know that the frustration will pass, I still get caught up in it, and I want to do something to change it.
What I’ve learned though is that the best way to deal with it is to take a time-out and let it be there.
A question you may want to ask yourself is: “What if it was okay to feel what I’m feeling now?”
Make space for it, and notice what happens.
I am in the same boat as you. Sometimes I have no clue what I’m supposed to be doing, where I’m going, or who I am. It goes in cycles, and within the past few days, all of this has started to clear up, just like it always does.
Everything comes and goes, except that which you are, which is the unchanging awareness behind this drama we call life.
The bad news is that when you’re in the middle of the storm, you feel like you’re never going to get out of it, and once you’re out, basking in the sunshine, it doesn’t feel so bad.
The “Secret”
If you’re completely oblivious of these cycles and how they work, you can end up sabotaging what you’re doing.
The more you go through the fear, the overwhelm, and the confusion, the better you get at dealing with it. My way of dealing with it might not be your way.
We cannot know what the future holds. When you really sit down and think about it, you don’t need to know what the future brings. You’ll never know what you’re going to do for the rest of your life.
When I really look at life, I see that I’m not living life, life is living me.
The decisions that need to be made just happen. Whatever plans I make usually go right out the window when it makes contact with reality.
I know you want life to be clear and to make sense, but that’s usually not how things work on this planet. What I have noticed is that when you start taking action and doing what you can, you’ll gain more and more clarity.
I went through a rough few days, but I knew what I was going through. I freaked out just a smidgen, but I got through it, and before I knew it, a few pieces of the puzzle fell into place, and the journey continues…
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Hello Henry. Nice post. I have not talked to you lately, been too caught up in my own world. Great bravery in being so honest, it is fresh.
August has always been a hard time in Spain, perhaps you got that too? You know, all the heat and not much going on. But usually right about now things tend to shake up again.
Cheers!
Thanks, Samuel! You never know. Maybe the Spanish energy has affected me in some way. I’m glad things are moving forward again though! 😉
It’s great to hear you share more about your experiences Henri. One of the things I really like about you is that you don’t pretend to be something you’re not. Thanks for sharing – as you know I have been going through similar things and it really is good to know I’m not alone. 🙂
I really appreciate that. Thanks, Jen!
I’ve always thought that I should be someone I’m not, but I find it much easier to just be me. It’s not only easier, but it brings with it countless other benefits.
If you keep doing your best, I think you’ll be surprised where you are in a few years. Life is interesting like that 😉
Great post! The transparency is refreshing. Too often articles/posts are written about the success with little mention of the struggle. Nice job.
I couldn’t agree more. Thanks Kenny!
I agree with most of the comments made about your post. It is refreshing to read a self searching post, and admit that you don’t have all the answers.
I am working on a project with the same kind of honesty about human connections. I have realized I don’t have all the answers and it is a “frustration killer” to have people gather around me and support me with ideas, JV offers, etc. as people have supported you.
Keep the focus as you work through these days and we, as readers and supporters, will keep our focus with you.
Harry
It’s amazing; the more you share of yourself, the more people are willing to help you. Keep on rocking, Harry!
Henri, you are so simple and honest and i like you for that. You tell the truth always. We’ve truly been rocking the same boat since i started my blog. I have had my own share of fears. I keep asking myself ” Can i really build a business around my blog?”. How am i going to do it? Can i make $500 in a month? How will people get to know about my relatively new blog? Have been battling with all sorts of questions and i feel alone on this journey.
When i read about the success of others like Pat flynn of Smartpassiveincome, Yaro of entrepreneurs-journey or Darren rowse of problogger, i ask myself will i ever be like them or earn as much as they do? Knowing that am not alone now is a huge relief to me. I can now focus on what works. I’m now better prepared for the rough days ahead.
Thanks for been a great source of encouragement. Please continue to share your views about life and your blogging journey.
Cheers
It can definitely feel like an overwhelming task when you look at the big guys. Focusing on one day and one step at a time makes it all so much easier!
Hi Henri,
Rigorous honesty and unwavering faith is the key to any real business success. I don’t sense any unbridled optimism in your plan. There are voices out there that say simply thinking positive is enough. I have seen too many business plans end up on the rocks of despair by not paying attention to the ruthless rules of reality. Frustration simply means we have to change our approach… it is an inevitable feeling when we are really up to something big with our lives.
The right amount of optimism and realism blended together works really well in my experience!
This happens not only when we compare our successes and our progress to other people’s, but when we work on our projects. I’ve had times, and I’m sure I’m not alone in this, when everything is going great and you know you will have a great result, but just for a few moments (or days :D) the doubt sneeks in and you don’t feels so great about it any more. Until you manage to see how much you’ve done or how good it is.
So I will join Kenny’s compliment to you because I think it’s always better to have some “personal touch” in stories you tell your readers. As bloggers, we are not only teachers, we are supporters, too. And you are great at it.
Exactly. No matter how good things are going, you can always become uncertain if you allow doubt to take over. That’s why it’s important to have a few people, or even a group you can talk to when you’re uncertain, confused or just plain out scared.
Thanks a lot for stopping by Stella, and for sharing your thoughts! 🙂
Hi Henri,
As I told you earlier…this is my favorite post of yours. I love your authenticity and your down to earth approach. I have no doubt you will do all that you set out to do!
Thanks a lot, Nadia. You’re a true rockstar!
For anyone who doesn’t know, Nadia is one of my support peeps, and she’s awesome, so definitely check her out at Happy Lotus Lifestyles!
Hi Henri,
Thanks so much for this post, as it echoes a lot of my own experience. It helps to know I’m not alone! I’m relatively new to this world of not placing limits on myself, of going for all that I know I’m capable of. Sometimes the journey is ecstatic and energizing, sometimes riddled with self-doubt and brain fog.
It’s interesting that you mention taking a time out. I usually push harder and my work becomes inefficient. Maybe taking more breaks is what I need.
Thanks for your insights.
That’s funny. I often go into push-harder-mode myself, but I’ve realized that I just end up not getting anything done at all. Like you said, I become inefficient.
I don’t really want to stop working, because it doesn’t feel like it’ll get me closer to my goals, but it does, because I don’t mess stuff up, or make things I later delete 😉
I like the new photo! We all would like to know there is a higher purpose for our lives than the average day to day stuff, and it is scary. Thanks for words of reassurance.
Thanks Erin! It would be cool to know our higher purpose, but at the same time, I have a feeling that knowing what’s going on would defeat some of our higher purpose.
WOW – love the new look!
Really enjoyed today’s message – I like most of them (sorry, some days my head is elsewhere I think!)
Funny how we are all human, and I work with some of our societies less fortunate ones – but people forget – there but by the grace of god go i…
Yep, sometimes there’s a twist in life that can’t be helped…
Happiness to you Henri 😀
Great stuff, Sherril! For those not on my e-mail list; Sherril is referring to my new newsletter design (the new look).
The twists can definitely catch you off guard. Or in reality, they almost always do 😉
Henri, thank you so much for your honesty and courage. I was just sitting here praying fervently because it is all looking overwhelming today….then I openend your email. It was God working through you – answering my prayer. So I am feeling calmer, putting one foot in front of the other, knowing all along that this too shall pass.
I like the new look!
I’m glad, Christina. Keep on moving those feet!
Wow, what a great group of people who are making comments about todays great blog. Henri, you have a wonderful way of connecting with others. This is why your blogs is one of the few blogs that I continue to follow.
I started my site to share my life experiences with others. You are sharing your life with others. We can all learn from each other. This is fun to be a part of your blogging life, thank you so much for sharing with us.
To those who much is given, much is expected. I first saw this taped to the refrigerator door of a very wealthy person who I was doing some work for. I later in life learned the source of the saying. Spirit and Life provides us the lessons we need.
The readers of this blog are a very cool group of people (yes, even those who do not comment!). Thanks for taking the time out from your day to read and comment, Lee. I really do appreciate it.
Sometimes it can be difficult to share, but if what you have to share will help others, then why not do it?
Henri,
I have been a long time reader but not a commenter, this post changed it for me. I am glad you are honest enough to share your mistakes and confession here. I think we blogger, experts or not, we go through range of emotions often.
It makes different how we re-act to these negative and down emotions and how we can rise or sink from it which makes a difference in successful vs average blogger.
I’m glad you decided to comment! It’s definitely not a smooth ride throughout, so getting through the down-times is crucial.
Hey Henri!
Great post man, very authentic. I know what you mean and you are right about being scared and having all sorts of frustrations and illogical fears. It so often seems like the fear and problems are unique to us, but when you start to talk to others and really get in depth, you will see that most people share those fears and problems when trying to achieve their goals.
Yeah. It’s funny how easily we can believe that the fears we have are unique to us.
This article came at a great time for me. Just what I was going through, and nice to know that it’s a part of life that should be expected and dealt with rather than feared.
Yes sir!
Thank you for such a calming post. I am quitting my day job and starting on a journey soon. I will be writing and relying on online income, as well as traveling the world (digital nomad, vagabond, call me what you will).
Of course, that brings so much anxiety with it. I constantly wonder whether I can hack it, whether it is something sustainable, whether I will be happy or lonely. Occasionally it overcomes the excitement I have and I feel fear instead.
You are right. These feelings come in cycles and I think it’s important to latch on to the times where you feel as though you can accomplish anything and be productive during those times.
Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us. This came at a very good time for me.
My guess is that you will be both happy and lonely, but in the end, I’d guess that it’s all worth it. Doing great stuff brings fear into the picture, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Keep rocking, Jack!
Henri,
Something we don’t always think about when we’re working so hard towards something that we’re not even sure we’ll achieve is that people who have already achieved it are on the same level, just a different journey. I’m glad you pointed that out here.
We’re all looking for more and better ways and escapes and places to turn to and some of us see others who have made it as, like you said, having all the answers when in fact they could be the ones with more questions than we have simply because of how far they are and they may even have more troubles than we do.
Who knows?
What I do know is that we’re all human and here to make a difference some how and in some way. Maybe not all the same difference but a difference nonetheless.
I know I’m working at making a living online because I want to be able to completely support my family and have the freedom that a 9 to 5 job just doesn’t give to me.
The Internet isn’t for everyone but for everyone there is purpose in every day you live and for a lot of people, yourself included, you’re making your own way and some how you’ll always find a way to make it work.
And that’s because it’s the way you’re determined to challenge and make true to yourself.
Btw, with the new picture you reminded me I need to update my profile picture out on the Internet with the design change I’m getting ready for here soon.
Making a difference isn’t always about doing, sometimes it’s just about being. It’s easy to get locked into specific ways of thinking because we’ve grown up that way, but when we stick our head out of the box, a whole new world opens up.
This was really nice to read. My natural tendency is to be pretty open about my life and my feelings too, though I do try at times not to be completely so. But I really appreciate what you wrote – I don’t think you can make judgements about the lives of others just because they’re at a certain point in their career, or relationship or education. People are much more deep than that. I always think of people as being so multilayered (and of course changeable) that it’s actually hard to sum them up.
And YES – life is constantly changing, including our feelings about things. These fluctuations are normal and I think it’s an excellent thing to be more honest about that, more realistic.
My usual way of getting through is just to remind myself that the confused or more negative times will pass…kind of a ‘just hold on’ type solution. Of course you have to keep working away at things in the meantime too, but ‘holding on’ I find is good for dealing with the feelings.
Henri, I’ve heard (and experienced) that sometimes when we go through great periods of growth, they’re preceded by sort of a ‘freak out’ period or a period of great restlessness. Maybe that’s what you were experiencing? In any event, it can be a really good sign.
Haha, I always swore up and down you successful people had a secret. I’m proud of you nonetheless!
Thanks for being open and honest with your readers, Henri.
Your authenticity shines like a beacon of hope in an otherwise enveloping darkness.
You are vulnerable to the “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” just like the rest of us.
Oftentimes, we forget that wealthy and successful people are human beings too, and have to face the curve balls that life throws at them.
Nobody’s perfect. There are plusses and minuses on both sides of the divide.
Thanks for the timely reminder. We appreciate your sharing and concern. Cheers.
This was an Amazing read Henri! I know exactly how you feel sometimes, and it’s great to know I’m not alone 🙂
Struggling struggling ahh not anymore goin through. damnit obstacle hopppp. satisfaction. struggle. victory. Peace is when i’m doing what I love?? 😀
Hello Henri,
Like I suspect most bloggers do, I read a large number of blogs and catalog them for future reference. One of my categories is compelling reads. And what I mean is that I’m attracted to the website but am not sure why. Your blog fell into that category but I think I now understand the attraction. It’s that your honesty and integrity shine through in all that you write and convey.
Riley
Hey Riley,
I appreciate the kind words. Thank you!
I do my best to be myself and with each day that passes, it feels like I peeling away another layer and getting closer to the core that is me.
Cheers!
Wow, talk about stumbling on what you need when you need it. I appreciate your beautiful authenticity in the post and the encouragement.
Cheers
Hey man, I really love your content. I just found your site the other day and I’ve already read at least ten of your articles. They are inspiring and I can feel the passion you put into them. I like you am a entrepreneur, and my dreams and goals are higher than ever. Reading content like yours makes it a little bit easier:) Thanks bro
Hey Aaron!
Good stuff. I’m glad to hear my articles resonate with you. Keep rocking and moving forward!