Does life suddenly feel meaningless and empty?
Do you feel hopeless about the future?
Are you low on energy, and don’t feel like doing anything?
Then you may be in what many refer to as the dark night of the soul, which is a period where everything feels hopeless and meaningless.
I’ve gone through something similar. What I experienced was grueling. It felt like I would never get out of the darkness, but somehow I did.
As you read, please remember that this is about my journey.
If you suffer from regular depression, or chemical imbalances, talk to someone who understands what’s going on.
What is a Spiritual Depression?
So, what is the dark night of the soul, or a spiritual depression?
Here’s how Eckhart Tolle describes it:
“It [dark night of the soul] is a term used to describe what one could call a collapse of a perceived meaning in life…an eruption into your life of a deep sense of meaninglessness. The inner state in some cases is very close to what is conventionally called depression. Nothing makes sense anymore, there’s no purpose to anything.”
– Eckhart Tolle (source)
So the dark night of the soul is when life suddenly seems pointless and meaningless.
In my case, everything I held dear lost its meaning. Life didn’t make sense. Spirituality seemed pointless. I couldn’t find comfort anywhere.
But it is in this darkness that profound transformation is possible. When everything is meaningless, you have the opportunity to let go of old beliefs, concepts, and fears.
What collapses is not who you are, but how you view life, and what you identify with.
For example, if all your life you’ve been obsessed with accumulating wealth, that may now be taken from you so you can see the truth.
This darkness is life trying to shake you from your conceptual slumber. It is an opportunity to awaken to who you truly are.
Here’s a video I recorded on the dark night of the soul:
Why is This Happening?
I don’t know.
Spiritual depression seems to happen to those on a path to self-realization, or those curious about what is truly going on.
And eventually, to keep growing, you have to see how you’re holding yourself back. You have to let go of all the ways in which you protect yourself, and resist life.
If I were to answer the question of why this happened to me, I would say: It happened because I wanted to know the truth.
We all perceive life through our thoughts, belief systems, and cultural conditioning. We don’t experience life directly.
When you go through a dark night of the soul, you receive an opportunity to let go of what is no longer useful. In the end, it’s not really you letting go of anything. Letting go happens.
And when the superfluous is let go, a tremendous peace is uncovered. This peace has always been there, like a lighthouse patiently shining in the dark.
12 Steps to Survive a Dark Night of the Soul
Below I’ve compiled 12 things that helped me get through life when everything felt meaningless and hopeless.
These tips may not necessarily make you happy, but hopefully they will make your ride easier, as they did for me.
1. Let the Old Die
This is a perfect time to let go of everything.
Let go of beliefs, conditioning, ideas, attachments, teachers, books, and anywhere you’re trying to hold on. When you let go, you discover that you were never in control.
This is scary at first, but then there’s tremendous relaxation. And this is the time to do it, because you already see that nothing is inherently meaningful.
For me, this all came as a surprise. Suddenly I didn’t feel like doing anything. Things began to feel meaningless and pointless.
I kept trying to get things done, to chase after goals that never really mattered.
But after a few months, I was exhausted. Surrender was the only alternative. That’s when I turned my gaze inside.
What I discovered were piles and piles of anguish. So much desire. So much aversion. So much fear.
I began to sit with those feelings as best I could. I welcomed everything. I relaxed into the insecurity, anxiety and fear.
If you’d like more on how to let go, below is a video I recorded in 2016 that is still relevant.
2. Welcome the Darkness
I knew, on some level, that what was falling away was no longer needed.
My mind would make an appearance with all sorts of thoughts, such as:
- You will never get out of this
- You can’t stop trying, you’ll end up homeless
- You are dying
- This isn’t supposed to happen
I did get pulled into the drama from time to time. It’s normal. But I did my best to welcome everything. Every thought. Every feeling. Every rationalization and justification.
And it’s funny, because as you relax, fear often intensifies, because it tries to keep you in the realm of fear.
Things still felt meaningless, but it was okay. I didn’t have to figure life out in that exact moment. I could relax and go with this adventure I was in.
3. Write Down Your Thoughts
Writing down my thoughts on paper helped.
I used an old notebook. Each day, I wrote for 15-20 minutes. I wrote down whatever came to mind. No censoring.
This allowed me to see the thought patterns I was stuck in. It also allowed me to see the main theme of my dark night, which had to do with money, security, and being loved, to name a few.
Mostly I vented my frustrations. What also occurred was that my wisdom came through from time to time. There were sentences that sparked insight.
Write down your thoughts. Notice what your wisdom is trying to tell you.
4. Notice How Things Work
What I didn’t know when I was going through the dark night of the soul was the importance of feeling.
I didn’t know that thoughts were a distraction from feeling. I was drawn into stories about how I wasn’t good enough, how nothing would ever get better, and how I hated life.
Instead of going into thinking, I now go into the feeling that is avoided.
Ultimately this willingness to feel is what ended the dark night of the soul years later. But before that I did everything to avoid feeling.
If you can dive directly into what you’re avoiding, you’ll see tremendous breakthroughs. There’s something within you that is waiting to be felt, heard, and seen.
What’s required is the willingness to feel. Pay attention to when you’re caught in thoughts about how horrible things are, and ask yourself: What am I trying to avoid?
5. Nourish Your Soul
Relaxation was key for me during my dark night of the soul.
At first, I resisted relaxing, because I thought I needed to get things done. But as I surrendered more and more, I began to drop what was no longer necessary.
I took walks. I spent time in the sauna (I live in Finland). I read books. I watched movies. I learned interesting things. I meditated.
For some reason, watching movies helped me release some of the anguish. When I felt afraid, watching a movie helped me work through it (on an unconscious level).
So go easy on yourself during this time. Look at what you most feel like doing. Do you want to take a walk, a bath, or just learn something?
Don’t judge. Trust your own inner guidance as best you can, while also being aware of when you’re distracting too much from feeling.
6. Meditate
Meditating can be challenging during this time, but it is worth it.
The meditation I recommend is either breath meditation or vipassana.
I have a guide on meditation here that you can check out. You can find plenty of resources online if you search for breath meditation or vipassana. Don’t look for anything complex. Just the basics.
You don’t necessarily have to meditate, but I would try it and see if it helps. This period can be brutal, so anything that can increase tranquility is welcome.
If you’re already feeling as much as you can during the day, you may not feel the need to meditate, which is fine. This really comes down to feeling what is going on.
Listen to what resonates with you. Certain days you may feel drawn to meditate and investigate, while other days are focused on feeling.
7. Marinate in Presence
I re-read Eckhart Tolle’s Power of Now during this time. It’s one of the few books I’ve re-read multiple times.
It reminded me of the power of the present moment, and what he calls the pain-body, which seems to be especially activated during a spiritual depression.
When I say marinate in presence, what I mean is to stay in the now as much as you can. I do this by being acutely aware of the senses (seeing, hearing, feeling, tasting, smelling). This also puts you in touch with your feelings.
Your thoughts may try to pull you away, but you just keep coming back to the here and now. Do the best you can. Nothing else is required.
8. Move and Breathe
This is not all about the psychological aspects. We live in these biological bodies that need to be taken care of.
What can happen is that as you feel worse, you move less. And as you move less, you feel worse. As you feel worse, you eat unhealthier foods.
Keep the energy flowing. Exercising and breathing helps release stuck energy, plus it releases those feel-good chemicals.
I realized this too late during my spiritual depression. While I did take walks, I didn’t take them often enough.
I also didn’t understand the power of yoga, qigong, stretching, massaging muscles, and anything to move the body.
You may not want to do any of these, or even care, but try them for even a few minutes and see if there’s any benefit there.
9. Bathe in Nutrition
Again, as we feel worse, we tend to look to food for comfort. And as we eat unhealthy foods, we feel even worse.
Do your best to eat nutritious foods during this time. The nutrition is what fuels your body and your brain, which helps lift your mood and energy.
This doesn’t mean you have to deprive yourself from an occasional treat.
During this time, I often made a morning smoothie consisting of bananas, apples, blueberries, spinach, and maybe a few dates.
I also took supplements. Nothing complex. A basic multivitamin, vitamin D, and magnesium.
If you suddenly feel drawn to a supplement, by all means try it out, as long as it’s safe. Something else that can help is green tea, which contains relaxing compounds such as l-theanine.
10. Ask for Help
I understand that not everyone is like me. Not everyone feels comfortable diving into their own darkness.
If that’s you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for help from friends who understand, or even a professional. Check out sites like the Spiritual Emergence Network (USA website here).
You can also ask for help from a higher power, or whatever you believe in. Just opening up to be helped brings that energy in.
I had to let go of trying to control everything. I had to surrender the belief that controlling life is what would give me happiness.
11. Follow Your Excitement
You may not have the energy to do much, but you will still feel drawn to certain things. For example, I resonated with reading books, watching movies, and taking walks.
It sounds simple, but when I followed my excitement, it made a difference. It’s almost as if my heart, or my Inner GPS, knew what I needed.
So even when life seems pointless and empty, you can still tap into your heart, and notice what your wisdom is telling you.
Focus on tiny steps. This could be as simple as taking a break and allowing yourself to relax.If you’re the kind of person that tends to work too much, then that may be what’s needed.
Be kind to yourself during this time, and let yourself enjoy the downtime.
12. One Day at a Time
This is a difficult time.
One day at a time is all that is needed. You will get through this. You may spend some time resisting and avoiding everything, trying to get back to your old life.
But that life is gone. Allow yourself to let go of the old. You may feel like there’s nothing to hold onto, which can be scary, but the more you can let go of the images the mind creates, the more freedom there will be.
This will go back and forth. And that’s okay.
When you’re drawn into stories about the past or the future, bring yourself back here. One moment at a time is how this is survived.
Closing Thoughts
Going through this was one of the toughest periods of my life. Yet I wouldn’t change it for anything, because it helped me wake up.
Eventually I realized that there is neither meaning or meaninglessness. Those are ideas, thoughts. There is only ‘this’, whatever that is.
I don’t know, yet it’s beautiful, alive, mysterious.
So notice what you’re resisting, and feel it. Let go of any labels of what the feeling is, and just feel the bare sensations. That’s all that is needed.
Lay down and feel.
With all that said, always remember to listen to your own heart and intuition. You know what’s best for you.
All the best,
Henri
P.S. If you’d like to dive deeper into tapping into your heart, I invite you to check out my book, Follow Your Heart: 21 Days to a Happier, More Fulfilling Life (Amazon affiliate link that helps support my work without extra cost for you. Thank you in advance!)
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