Have you noticed that you never feel ready to write that book, start a business, or just go after what makes you come alive?
You never feel ready because you’re looking for certainty.
You want to have all the details.
You want to be absolutely sure that everything is going to work out.
So you never start, nothing ever happens, and you end up lost in the land of regret.
The solution is not to berate yourself for not being good enough, but about noticing this pattern, and questioning it.
Your mind is telling you that you need certainty, otherwise you’ll fail, but you’re already failing by searching for absolute certainty.
But what about the fear of failure? Sure, it hurts to fail, but what’s the alternative?
I also deal with all of the above. What’s different for me is that I don’t take it so seriously. I feel it, yes, but I let it be.
Not all the time, not perfectly, but most of the time.
The video
Here’s the video version of this article.
The video and article are slightly different from each other, so if you want a more complete picture, I recommend you read/watch both.
If you want more videos from me, subscribe to my YouTube channel, because not everything is posted here.
The article continues below.
I aim for 70-80% good enough
This doesn’t mean I never plan. Planning reveals options and ideas. The problem begins when you think that your plan has to unfold perfectly.
If you never start, you never get feedback, and you never have the opportunity to adapt to what’s actually going on. You end up stuck in the fantasy world that is your mind.
Even knowing all this, you won’t feel ready. The tendency will be to stay where you are. This all means that you have to be willing to start before you feel ready.
I don’t remember the first time I began doing this, but I remember when things began to shift. The year was 2009. I was about to start this very blog after years of hemming and hawing.
I had to face fear, doubt, and uncertainty. Eventually, I became so sick of sitting still that I started with what I had. When I did, nothing bad seemed to happen, which is when I began to realize that
I could face my fear and doubt. I could start before having everything figured out.
I don’t need a perfect plan
I just need to know enough to move one inch forward.
No need for approval, permission, or certainty. Just the willingness to move and learn.
When you become willing to start before you feel ready, you realize that the world doesn’t end if you fail. Disaster doesn’t strike if someone doesn’t click like.
And your mind doesn’t know what it’s talking about.
Doing anything new is uncomfortable
Living a fulfilling life is not found in comfort, but in seeing through the mirage of perfectionism, seeing through the need for certainty, approval, and perfection.
So let’s say you want to write a book. How do you take a tiny step? I would start by forgetting the need to write a book. Do you want to write, or do you just like the idea of being an author? If you want to write, then start writing. Write one paragraph. Share it.
It doesn’t really matter where or how you start, because it is the act of starting that ignites the machinery of life.
You write. You keep writing. You learn. You pay attention to what you feel drawn to do. You let that lead you forward.
You may never feel ready, but so what?
Why do you take your thoughts so seriously? Why not wonder: What if I take a step anyway? What then?
Question your own internal world. Question your fear. Conduct experiments.
See what happens when you start before you feel ready.
Observe yourself when you take a step toward what you find interesting.
Take notes. Ponder. Enjoy.
There is no end goal in life, because it just keeps going, so there’s no need to worry so much about achieving this or that.
It’s more about living your life, your way.
That’s what will matter in the end.
All the best,
Henri
Photo by chuttersnap
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I just started reading The Artist’s Way and it says just that. If you haven’t read it, you should! Seems like your readers would benefit from the suggestion of ‘3 morning pages’ to get started. It made writing sound less daunting to get out whatever is on your mind in 3 pages and then start from a ‘clean slate’ every day. Thanks for your words! They’re so encouraging and we are listening!
That’s a great tip for anyone that resonates with it. Thanks for taking the time to comment 🙂
Appreciate your work
Thanks!
Hi Henry,
How do you feel generally on the other side of the dark night. Is there a peace inside or something?
This article hits a nerve with me because I never asked anyone out when I was young and I feel like I just wasted my life. It feels like nothing I do now will ever compensate for it.
If it’s important now to ask someone out, it was always important (surely?). The only way out for me would be to feel a peace so deep that none of the past mattered. But if you’ve come through the dark night, and still consider it important, I find that actually a little demoralising.
Am I going to be stuck with these hangups? What’s so hard about it is that I woke up one morning in the worst hell imaginable, have spent many years ‘recovering’, and now that I have recovered in most ways, all that’s left is a deep sadness. And it reminds me of how I used to feel. And I wonder if I’ve actually gotten anywhere at all.
Appreciate your articles and would be grateful for your view on this.
Thanks,
David
Hey David,
I don’t consider it important. I just used it as an example, because it was what popped into my head at the time.
Besides, it doesn’t matter what I, or anyone else, consider important. What matters is what you resonate with, and what you’re interested in, because that is your path.
After the dark night, there is more peace and understanding, but I would guess it’s because I went through the dark night, instead of trying to run away from it.
Thoughts come and go, so you may have thoughts about the past, but you don’t necessarily have to assign meaning to them.
Cheers 🙂
Henri
David
I dont believe that anything in our lives is ever wasted. What you felt at the time was for a reason. What you chose to do/not do was prompted by your heart. trust in yourself and your choices. consider that forcing yourself to do otherwise would likely have led you to regret.. what you now doubt was probably right for you..its just that you are not yet satisfied ..and thats ok! but rather than looking back..consider what your heart now tells you..in this present moment. BE GRATEFUL for your decisions that have brought you to this moment. and take note of what your heart says..as to what you NOW wish to do or change. trust yourself. you are worth it. you did your best with the knowlwdge and experience you had. so be kind to yourself. and.move forward. with gratitude and openness. no need to doubt yourself or ponder what might have been..after all if you really still want it..it still can be..and the time simply wasnt right for you before. consider too..there’s wisdom in the adage ” what will be will be”. sometimes what’s perceived as desireable is not all its cracked up to be and what we do actually have is in fact better for us than we first thought.
I didn’t start dating until my late 30s. Not by choice really. You need to keep trying, tho bc friendship and love are worth the work u r doing on yrself. as we all are. I’m surprised you think that what you’ve been thru tho sad, means nothing. sadness is not the same as depression, so please check in a a Dr or counselor, to see if you struggle w the latter which can be dark mood unrelated to circumstances. I don’t want to be hard on you bc vulnerability is great but does make you sound ok, yeah, a sad sack cuz pretty much every other human gioes thru loneliness and sadness, even depression, 1/4 peopke, at periods of their life.
I want to encourage You 2 re-read what you wrote, bc it’s important thought, w a more open mind, you will see that it’s a different, calmer kind of sadness. at least that’s my impression from way you write that that you have gained some deeper understanding of Yourself. And that Has to come before a real deep love. I 2 and others no matter what it looks like On outside like ‘perfect couple’s’ rich or cute have picked poorly, and really need to step back and do the internal work you say has helped you ‘recover.’ it’s not all abt shiny hair right? as a model on Ted Talk said, and I paraphrase. You are more mature now, so am I, I hope tho bad relationship hurt me 2. Imho, your main problem is not that that time period was wasted, but that you don’t value that hard work.
I don’t really think I’m ahead of you, but I need to go bc I have my own family problems and sadness to handle, and didn’t see them this hokliday . Happy belated Thanksgiving. Be thankful