Asking the right questions can transform your life.
The questions you ask yourself and others often determine the responses you get. Ask your mind why you’re such a failure and you will receive an answer.
Shifting your questions to being more results oriented and dare I say—positive, will change your life.
I’m sure if you think back to the interactions you’ve had and the observations you’ve made, you’ll notice that different people ask different kinds of questions.
People that are already living the life they want didn’t get there by asking themselves why they’re so horrible.
They instead asked how they could achieve what they want. As with any growth-related activity, you will run into plenty of nay-sayers and people that try to limit your personal development.
When these people start showing up at your doorstep, look at it as a sign that you’re doing something right. They are there to tell you that your growth is making them uncomfortable.
At this point all you have to do is keep going.
There’s another kind of nay-sayer that you’re probably familiar with, and that is the one you have inside your head. The one telling you that nothing ever works for you.
We all have that voice inside of our heads. What I’ve found to work quite well is to mess with it. You did know that you could do that, didn’t you? After all, it is your mind.
The next time you hear that voice in your head, try changing its voice, location, volume and even picture if you’re aware of it. You can do anything you want. You can even ignore it. The voice is a thought. Nothing more, nothing less. Thoughts are ever-changing, so if you leave it be, a new thought will take its place.
That voice in your head responds to questions as well. Ask any question and it has to answer it. “What would it sound like if that negative voice in my head sounded like Sylvester the cat?”
Interesting, isn’t it? The options are limitless.
7 Ways to Use Questions
1. Law of Attraction. In my experience, we attract the life we think we deserve. This is because thoughts become actions. Actions become habits. Habits become your destiny. If you believe thoughts that you’re not good enough, you won’t try to reach for your dreams. But if you ask: What tiny step could I take toward doing what I love? That changes everything.
2. Changing your mood. How often do you feel like you’re stuck with a feeling? If you’re like most people, it’s pretty often. The good news is that moods come and go. I might wake up feeling down, but I don’t have to take is so seriously. Moods are made up of thoughts. We feel our thoughts. What do we know about thoughts? We know that they change. I don’t have to do anything about my moods, but I could ask: What if things are exactly as they should be? What is it that I’m not seeing that could help me?
3. Visualizing. How often do you get stuck when you visualize? It’s almost like the software in your brain malfunctions (Microsoft Windows, is that you?). Asking questions to guide your mind will help eliminate this stuckness. Most people don’t believe they can even visualize properly. Realize that we’re all different. You may feel your visualizations. Some may hear them. A question to help you explore this might be: What piece of wisdom do I need to see right now?
4. Enhancing feelings. When you’ve felt a change, bask in the feeling and let it build. Get curious about how your body feels. If you really want to take it to the next level, ask yourself this simple question “how would I feel like if this feeling was 10 times stronger?” You can exchange 10 with any number you want. Experiment and find your magic number. I like to start at two and keep multiplying until I feel too good to care.
5. Solving problems. When we spent a year in Spain, and when we moved there, there have been a lot of things that needed taking care of. It was like a mini-problem circus was in town. By asking questions like “how can I solve this effectively?” and “can I do anything about this now?” I was able to remain somewhat relaxed while solving all the incoming tasks.
6. Being creative. Have you ever experienced writer’s block or just feeling creatively stuck? We’ve all been there. An easy way to snap out of it is to ask the right questions. When I’m writing an article, I have a few questions I like to ask myself. It’s easy to overlook the basics of a subject that you’re familiar with, so ask yourself what you’re writing about, what are the common problems, how can it be used practically (if it is that kind of article) and what are your experiences, just to name a few off the top of my head.
7. Staying focused. There are several ways you can approach increasing your focus with questions. You can go with a question like “What if I didn’t have to feel focused in order to get this done?” or you could use something along the lines of “How would I act if I was focused?” Different people will react to different questions, so trust yourself and experiment. I am just throwing out examples, so do not think that they are the only questions that work. I constantly change the questions I ask myself depending on how I feel. The more you do this, the better you’ll get.
How to Start
Once you’ve gotten used to asking yourself questions and noticing the change in your body, you won’t need the crutches that I am about to give you. Nowadays when I ask myself a question, I feel the change instantly in almost every case.
As you read these tips, implement them and get used to them. That way you’ll actually use them. Try them out now, so you have them memorized and can play with them later today without needing to reference back to this article.
Close your eyes. Switch your focus inward and take a few deep breaths to relax. At this point you could go longer and just keep focusing on your breath for a few minutes to really get in tune with how you’re feeling. There are no rules, so make everything up as you go, that’s what I do.
Feel your current feeling. When you’re relaxed you will be able to actually feel what you’re feeling. Often we’re blocking our feelings, because we’re so used to resisting what is. Most people feel bad all day long, so they want nothing to do with their feelings. Notice what you’re feeling, even if it is bad and let it be there.
Ask the question. If you’re feeling worried about something, you can always reverse it by asking a question that will lead your mind in another direction. It’s completely up to you where you want to go from here. If you feel worried, you could ask: “What would it feel like to accept the feeling of worry completely?”
Feel the change. When you’ve asked a question, you’ll notice a change in your body. It may be gradual in the beginning, because you have to warm up your mind to the fact that you’re actually using your feelings now, but it’ll be there. As you keep playing with this process more, you will become more powerful.
Basking
Have you ever wondered why good feelings seem to pass faster than negative ones? The human brain doesn’t value good feelings (as much), because they don’t have any problems to solve.
Negative feelings however are problems that need to be solved. If you have a huge pile of bills, your mind will naturally want to think of ways that you can get rid of them. Many people drive themselves insane by indulging their mind in this behavior. You could worry about it. You could listen to the inner critic.
Remember, there’s no need to keep problems in your head if you can’t take action on them. We have to re-program our minds to appreciate good feelings. Whenever you create a good feeling or stumble upon one, bask in it, enhance it and enjoy. It’s like taking drugs, but without the adverse side-effects.
And if nothing else works, remember that you can always relax. Your mind will return to center. New thoughts will emerge.
Wisdom will help you move forward.
All the best,
Henri
Ready to Do What You Love?
Join the exclusive newsletter and grab your free report: 5 Steps to Finding and Following Your Passion.
Good feelings don’t pass faster than negative feelings for me, I revel in them!
Though it is true that negativity is addictive. I decided to cut that out this year and see the negative in a positive light i.e. “this world is a long way from a state of love, but I can enjoy the mission to do my part to help it get there” 🙂 (Remembering the conversation we had on one of my old blog posts).
I mean I got into this whole spirituality stuff years ago because I wanted to be happy… well I had a load of issues I needed to sort out, but once they’re addressed I guess all there is left to happiness is seeing things in a positive light and choosing not to hold onto bad feelings. I wrote up on my belief board the thoughts I want to have as a mainstay in my head: “I am happy”, “The world is beautiful”, “Life is good”, etc.
Oh, and I noticed as I became a bit more “rooted” in the physical plane I got better at solving problems as they come up. That solves so much stress. When I can’t solve something now, I remind myself that I don’t need to hold onto the feeling, because when the perfect moment to act is there I will become conscious of it again. That solves the rest of the stress. Hey, that’s such a useful technique I think I may write a post about it 🙂
Oh yeah, negativity IS addictive, why do you think so many people watch/read the news every day? 😉
Sounds like you’ve had a lot of the same experiences as myself. It takes a while to get to a place – or at least it did for me – where you feel like everything is okay (most of the time).
Yeah.
And at the same time, you gotta see the darkness there.
Using the old cell-in-body metaphor, it’s like your leg is hurting. The rest of the body has to do something, but the real way of dealing with pain is letting it be there. Anything else causes extra hurt. (I learnt this in hospital, in this respect I am a Zen master).
I think being in this planet is always going to be a bit bittersweet, but I do believe I can get to feeling good within a suffering world… that’s kind of the point, right, to be a light so others can get to the light. Honouring the connection with others while not picking up their stuff, just letting the pain be there without struggling so hard against it that you have a pain in the leg and then a pain in the head to go with it. Just letting it be there, and doing what you can do as a heart or brain cell or whatever you are.
Gotta get to that sweet spot – seeing the darkness without reacting with darkness, and facing always towards the light, out of choice, not out of denial…
Love
Andrew
¡Definitivamente! You made an excellent point that I completely missed. I’m not saying that we should ignore the pain. Accepting it and then moving on is powerful and something I do all the time.
If you’re trying to run away from something it will just backfire on you. As I’ve gradually been able to accept what is, I’ve noticed a significant shift in my life.
Great thoughts, Master Andrew 😀
Hey Henri,
Sometimes we need get out of our own way.
The biggest obstacle can be our doubt, our lack of positive energy. We’re not giving ourselves permission to be awesome.
But if we start asking “how can I be ” instead of “why am I in ” then we transform into a proactive person, rather than a reactive.
We take control of our life’s direction. Start doing things to get closer to where we want to be in life (both physically and psychologically/spiritually). We start asking ourselves those proactive questions.
We give ourselves permission to be awesome. We change our life.
I dig how you offer some great practical tips here for helping people become more positive and proactive. You don’t just talk about the need for changing your mindset and heartset but then leave it at that.
Best,
Oleg
Practicality is a must for me. It feels like a waste talking about things that cannot be implemented or taken action on. However, that is not guarantee that I won’t do that in the future 😀
That’s why everyone must have some alone time for talking to ourselves. Some people cannot face themselves, and I think they lack the courage to change for the better.
A quick thought on a third type of naysayer, some of them are warning signs that we need to look out for. sometimes they are directions away from something we are doing that looks good but in the long run may not be fruitful. We should question the naysayers to make sure where their ney is coming from. good stuff here have a great day Henri
Henri,
I’m guessing you brought in some of these ideas from Tony Robbins concept of power questions. That has to be one of the most powerful tips in the world. One of my favorite questions is “What’s the best that could happen?”. Most people ask themselves “What’s the worst that could happen?” but just that one word brings two completely different pictures into your head.
I haven’t actually gone through any Tony Robbins material, although I have watched a few of his seminars online and I really like what the man is doing, but not so much to buy his stuff.
I agree with you on asking the right question. Sometimes I ask myself the bad one–“what’s the worst that could happen”–and follow up with–“so what?”
You are so right on the money Henri! Not only asking those questions can save a person, but also doing so at the right time.
I went in to work today and had a sit down conversation with my boss because there isn’t very much work right now due to the economy. So I told him my financial concerns and was completely honest with him about my bills.
He was able to give me an advance which really saved my butt! Not only that, we sat down with some of my previous paychecks, and found a 500 dollar mistake meaning my job actually owes me money.
But if I wouldn’t have asked those questions at the appropriate time my life would be more difficult right now then it actually is.
I am so thankful to almost be debt free. I think your positivity is having a powerful affect on my already Henri! Thanks for the wonderful advice and such a wonderful website.
I can feel the laws of attraction working for me in a good way already!
Awesome stuff, Shelly!
Sometimes all it takes is being honest and asking a question. I’m glad my positivity is influencing you!
Keep rocking
I really like the asking yourself a question about the feeling you want to visualize. Great technique idea. Thanks. Learning to ask good questions is an art form.
Sometimes because of how I feel about something, especially if it’s negative, I really have a hard time visualising something greater to have. I’m not sure why I do this.
When I do see something I like and I feel good about it things also speed up for me too.
Does this make sense to you or to anyone here?
Absolutely! This may be a bit controversial since this seems to be a blog with Buddhist tendencies. But I believe that at our core, we’re about self preservation. Avoidance of pain. Pursuit of pleasure.
Basking should be a post in and of itself! It’s amazing how accustom I’ve become to self persecution and how awkward self praise feels. I need to create a daily agenda item for basking until that positive state of presence becomes my default.
Thanks for a post that’s bask worthy!
Negativity can definitely be tough. If you’re having trouble getting out of your negativity you might want to try tools like EFT which neutralizes the feeling. It works for me!
Ask the right questions! This is sometimes so hard to do but so vital.
Great post.
Have you ever attended any James Ray or Tony Robbins seminars?
Hey Lana,
I haven’t, but a while after writing this post, I listened to some Tony Robbins’ stuff and realized he thinks in the same manner.
Interesting how that works.